Then again, nothing really ever happens suddenly, but when we have years of momentum behind us, shifting course just a little can feel sudden, like tossing an anchor with engines at full throttle.  First you drag the anchor and soon you come to a halt.

I think I was dragging for some time, but now I’m stopped.  I’ve been looking around, seeing just how much there is to take in when there’s a view in every direction.  So much to aspire to, so much to observe, so much to avoid.

I do have one path I can’t stop just now, one that might lead to some fairly rough waters.  I’m not so sure I’ll succeed.  But I don’t think I can go back to where I was.  And even if there are a hundred right things to do at that point, I’m not so sure they’d be in my course.  I don’t know that I’d want to take steps back even if it meant a better way to move onward.

As for now, I guess I’ve realized that when you’re stuck, you kind of have two choices: you can either sit still and wait, or you can look around and enjoy the ephemeral beauty.  When you’re moving there are a lot of things you just can’t appreciate…but when you stand still you have the time to see them differently.

There’s a lot I want from the next year.  I know that pretty soon I’ll have to move quickly.  I’m not looking forward to all the mistakes.  But for now I have very little to really speak of in the big picture, except that it feels great to connect with someone on the dance floor, to take an hour to make it through a plate of sushi, to run along the shore as the sun goes down.

No matter what happens in this very big year ahead, I’ll have tried something very different, something that fits me so much better.

I don’t think I’m going to ever find the elusive and ever-glorified balance, but surrounding myself with other perspectives (less hurried ones) helps to kick me in the knees, which of course slows my  running, at least temporarily.

Through photos and a clip, I offer you slowing down, Iceland style.

A carefree 8-year old Noi.  And when you don’t speak the same language, curiosity is that much more apparent.

The peaceful shores of Reykjavik

View from the cafe, Hemmi & Valdi.

You can find more travel pictures (continually updated) here…

I listened to an NPR piece the other day discussing how 20% of Americans don’t use the internet at all.  I’d gamble that fewer than half of those who do sign on are regular readers of blogs.  Right now the common wisdom online is that it’s fewer than 1% of a site’s visitors who participate in the conversation.  Well, that fewer than 1% has become my friends of late–and let me just tell you, that’s not the real world.

It’s actually the fake world.  We can talk all we want about developing real relationships with real people, but for every 250 subscribers or social network add’s, I’d say that a half dozen are people I seek out when I need a friend.  I believe that the internet is fantastic for commerce, the world is flat, information is available, yada yada yada…but of the 35 people in my speed dial only one of them is on Twitter.  And that’s my girlfriend, who didn’t have an account before we met (thank you Elizabeth for being a separate voice!).  I hope I don’t rub off on her too much.

Okay, so it’s new media all right.  Well it’s only a matter of time before my friends move there?  Or hell if I update my speed dial, there’s at least one internet friend I’d like to add to that speeddial.

But those forms of communication aren’t really making me happier.  They satiate, they distill, they occasionally satisfy…but can I honestly say I wouldn’t be better off in a town of 1,000 with a handful of very strong relationships?

I love technology–I love it for its freedoms and its empowerment and its immediacy.  But I’d rather it be a footnote to my relationships, not the content.

So what’s this have to do with perspective?  If I want to escape from the echo chamber of many of the relationships I’m now developing, I need to get away.  If I want to build the same types of relationships I’ve always sought, I need to probe deeper than 140 characters.  That means real time with real people.  (That doesn’t mean networking or groups of dozens of people–it means real time with a few people.)

Travel will be a start.  I need to be reminded of the rest of the world.  And throughout I need to remember the type of relationships I really need.  I’m not going to find them with more people, I’m going to find them and maintain them with a special few.

Highlights:

In no particular order, these are the things that a few years from now when I look back I’ll want to remember.  All of them were things that in some way shaped who I was this year.  If one of these relates to you, thank you for being a part of that memory.

• AwayFind - building a web application
  
• Book Clubs - learning so much, even more from the people
• Crested Butte - Galt’s Gulch, and the start of a tradition for me
• DC Tech Community - like-minded geeks and entrepreneurs
• Dinner Parties - company from my different circles, at the house
• Dover MA - a good place to be from
• Four Hour Workweek - I should shut up about it, but this book changed me
  
• Surrogate Girlfriend - Having a best friend and good company

 Hopes

Every year my hope is some cross between balance and ambition–running more, entertaining more, saving, developing a more routine schedule, etc.  But over the course of the year reasons that I can’t predict tend to change my focus.  Still, as of now here are some things I hope for:

For my sanity and social life:

• A sense of completion on a daily basis
• To buy fewer books (and better figure out what I should be reading for fun and work)
• A trip abroad
• To entertain every other month

For my work and dreams:

• 5000 users of AwayFind by 2009
• To be invited to speak at a national, non-local conference
• To have someone else handle the majority of sales and proposals for SET projects
• To blog (or have someone else working with me to blog) three times per week (mostly on technotheory.com)

As I started this list I didn’t think it would turn out to be so specific.  Do you have any specific hopes for 2008?

I was on a camping trip earlier this year and made a snide remark about a dear friend of mine, one who has been like a sister to me in the last five years. It led to a couple serious conversations and a vastly improved friendship–one with a little bit gentler teasing. And I now doubly understand:

A similar thing happened to me not too long ago with my sister. I know her intentions were innocuous, but it struck a chord. And now a serious conversation awaits.

A love for sarcasm was not something that came to me by chance. It likely played a role in my parents divorce (we’re talking a long time ago), and in retrospect those conversations probably weren’t too funny. I’m not surprised that I’ve taken things too far and that other family members have, too.

We’ve all been in situations where someone’s made an inappropriate comment. It’s usually something where they know something about you that others don’t and they bring it up in jest. Chances are it’ll get a laugh and maybe a little silence. Chances are they should have kept their mouth shut.

This has been a really lucky year for me–I’ve never had more things to do or people around. And it’s become obvious that the people who I like most are the ones who are more giving, kind, and open. Dry humor and wit are not mutually exclusive with treating people well.

So this entry is just a reminder to pause for reflection before getting out that quick thought. A reminder to let up when you’re teasing a friend. So what if they can dish it back–what good did the whole thing do? As the holidays pick up–don’t just say thank you and offer presents–be a little gentler. That’ll keep those around you around you.

Note: This will be the last round of divided photos between Flickr and Coppermine–after this blog post, everything will be uploaded exclusively to Flickr…

DC Tech Events…

• nclud’s Open House Party in October
• Startup Weekend
• The New New Internet Conference
• nclud’s Halloween Gathering at Old Dominion (and the next 4 photos)

Halloween Parties at Jack’s, Katie’s, and Old Dominion

Thanksgiving in Boston

Boston and Marblehead in September

The Last Jazz in the Sculpture Garden (and the next dozen or so photos)

Sometimes tradition is who you are, sometimes it’s who you were… but it always brings you to that place somewhere in between. It’s like how when you visit family it’s easy to regress to childhood roles. Hanging out with Ian, reading This Side of Paradise aloud, it was so easy to dip in and out of college and the nostalgia of those days.

The dance scene that we belonged to, that I still frequent, has changed a great deal (no more late night diners, no more Hollywood vs Savoy). Jason’s an attorney in Atlanta, I’m doing too many things, and Ian’s, well, still hoping to meet that foreign language requirement at Maryland… But when it comes to the grave and the week of birthdays, it’s more about looking back than looking forward, or at least trying to reconcile the two.

I’m not the same ebulliently happy person I tried to be back then. But I still question things in much the same way that Ian, Jason, and I would do late at night at school. F Scott’s writing is just as poignant and applicable.

This time last year I was somewhat complacent. Now is a time when many things are starting, when there’s no settling, when I’m about to get busier than I want to. I’m not fully contented, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that you can’t choose the timing for when things are going to heat up. Well, here’s to the next year, and to getting a little rest before it starts.

The last light fades and drifts across the land — the low, long land, the sunny land of spires; the ghosts of evening tune again their lyres and wander singing in a plaintive band down the long corridors of trees; pale firs echo the night from tower top to tower: Oh, sleep that dreams, and dream that never tires, press from the petals of the lotus flower something of this to keep, the essence of an hour.

F Scott Fitzgerald, at 23 years old, in This Side of Paradise

Even with all our methods of contact and keeping in touch, does it really help us to feel any more a part of a community? Sure, there are more places to participate, but that also means there are more places to feel behind or out of the loop. With all the communities where one can be popular, one can always turn a corner to find a place where they really haven’t made it.

Both locally and nationally I can always turn to my left and see someone who’s made it big. While I may not be a worthy judge, deep down I still have some opinion about whether or not they deserve it. When it comes to internet popularity the “wisdom of the crowd” is so often merely a litmus test for “pretty good” but rarely accurate enough for “truly the best.” The difference between a hero and a superhero is how many sneezing fans they have, not the existence of superpowers.

At dinner with Tony tonight I mentioned how it’s best to put our energy into the few areas where we can really make a difference–how I’ll never be a truly great dancer or writer, but that I stand a chance at certain things with technology. It’s the best place for where my passion and knowledge intersect in ways that are somewhat unique. But looking around me tonight, those who were motivation earlier seem to possess superpowers now.

In the morning, I’ll find the voice of reason again. Tomorrow is a day full of gatherings and some decidedly good company. Staying away from the web for a while is probably a good idea. After all, as a means to happiness, crowds online will never compare to the smiles and musings of friends who are ignorant enough to choose you over the other 422 people on their buddy list.

BarCamp:

Maria & Keith’s wedding activities:

Recent DC Dinners:

The first half of this summer was filled to the gills with activities and general merriment. It was light but fun. The second half has been about big decisions, planning ahead, and a slight ennui from the ephemeral. That is, busyness is no path to fulfillment. And I’m itching to grow or grow something.

I have four software products I would give anything to launch, one of which I’m seriously moving toward. I’m very curious if Tim Ferriss’ ideas for automation will be sufficient tools for me to make my existing business mobile enough to spend serious time living abroad. And then there’s determining how much time to spend in the various dance, tech, book, and business communities where I spend my evenings…

For anyone who doesn’t believe that it’s possible to reach out and make something happen, I think they’re just not looking hard enough for the pieces. The trickiest puzzles have the most pieces and it takes a lot of trial and error to identify the right ones. It’s tempting to just stick with the parts that are already formed, especially when they present a nice picture. But searching around for those other pieces, and putting them together seems so much more fulfilling to me. For a long time I’ve been coasting and some changes are in order

So here’s my commitment right now. I’m going to work on two things: to launch a fairly involved software productivity application and to make my existing business completely mobile. It’s not impossible. I hope you’ll consider what decisions will help you to piece together a more fulfilling picture…