What happened to personal letters?

I was deciding between my blog and my (paper) journal tonight–where to capture the emotion I’m feeling right now? And then it occurred to me that I hadn’t written one of those long, serious, personal letters I used to write all the time. And that just seemed like the right way to let it out.

I’m fairly outspoken and have friends who listen–so normally I’d just grab the phone and reach out. For how many years has this been possible? I mean, it was always possible, but there was a time when people were generally away from a personal line most of the day, when long distance was expensive, when people had to share phones. That was a time when I would write to my friends to seek out advice, to share a thought, to let out an emotion. No matter whether it was email or paper, it was a very different process.

It’s not that we can’t write seriously anymore; arguably, it’s easier than ever. We’ve always had our journals for communicating with no one; now we have the web, enabling to us to communicate our thoughts with everyone. But communicating with one person in writing–that’s different.

Today, we don’t expect to receive serious emails/letters from people. Sure, we receive cards for holidays and an occasional thank you. But we rarely get real, drawn out, personal thoughts via email or postal mail. To the contrary, on a regular basis I hear people talk about avoiding emotion in writing because it’s so difficult to convey tone. “Just call,” is the panacea for any difficult topic.

I had a penpal from seventh grade through tenth grade and we wrote emails (and occasional letters) just about every day. Now when she and I reach out to each other (albeit we’re a bit out of touch) it’s IM, brief emails, or the phone. The same pattern is present in many of my old friendships.

Now when there’s a personal written correspondence it tends to be in one of these circumstances:

1. Romance - since personal writing is so uncommon, it stands out as romantic (and for this reason I don’t believe the love letter will ever die)
2. Convenience - there’s simply no other way to communicate. Like when the person is in jail, or a really difficult timezone
3. Horrible circumstances - when someone simply can’t bring themselves to respond to something face-to-face or through another medium

It’s noticeable when personal written correspondence does not fit into one of the above. Personal writing seems to now belong in blogging or journals or phone calls–not regular correspondence with friends.

It’s not hard for me to list out the people I’m closest with–they’re all on the speeddial of my cellphone. In that list I have family members, friends of over ten years, (people who write for a living,) both faraway friends and those who I see almost every day. After skimming it, I don’t think any of them could fit the bill for the letter I wanted to write tonight. I mean, sure, most of them would accept such a letter from me–they do know me pretty well–and some would even respond in kind…but they’d accept my letter as an exception.

Instant communication is a quick fix but not always the best one. Writing is more difficult, but it forces you to think things through, to find clarity, to get a release without concern for how good a listener the other party is. While tone may not always be best communicated in writing, most novels on your shelf should tell you that it’s possible for much stronger and deeper emotion, for a refined message, for a more powerful thought to come through. That’s why most of the more memorable speeches were not off the cuff but (at least somewhat) scripted. The best stuff takes a little thought and planning. That’s what writing is all about.

Better yet, writing is a way to allow the recipient of this new information to give a more informed response. We all recognize this in business communication, but we tend to avoid this type of thought-out back and forth in more personal matters.

I hope that the next generation knows how to communicate more than just simple emotions through writing. I don’t think the love letter is dead, but I’m worried about the personal letter to a friend. I’d like it back as a tool. There are times when instant conversation is not the best option–when the issues at hand could take a lot more thought from both parties. We should try writing more.