Commitment

Sometimes I wonder how it is that people can live with themselves. I respect those that have different values and I recognize that we all have our weaknesses–but from where I stand there’s no reason why people say they’ll do things and then don’t. Sometime between birth and eighth grade it became apparent to me that commitments were not to be broken and that there really isn’t much ambiguity–you just do the things you say you’re going to do and there’s nothing more to it.

Let me make this clear–I’m not talking about attempting things and failing or missing a deadline. I’m not talking about New Year’s Resolutions or personal challenges that don’t pan out after a few weeks. And I’m not talking about times when there is a psychological or societal pressure to say something. I’m talking about when things are cut and dry–when you say you’re going to do something and the person you say it to has every reason to genuinely believe that you’ll do it.

In general the things that bug are me are really small, like saying that one’s going to call (without any prodding on your end for them to) or canceling multiple times for reasons like, “I’ve had a long day.” If I’m making time for someone then I know they’re making time for me, and I’m not going to mess up their day even though it’s not convenient for me.

One of my all time pet peeves is when I’m networking with people who want something from me, be it my own business or access to my clients, and then they don’t respond to calls or emails. One minute they say they want something but then another they don’t have the decency to follow through a simple gesture. I’d rather they didn’t waste anyone’s time. On more than one occasion I’ve contacted someone to do business with them, but without making that the explicit purpose of getting in touch. Then if they didn’t follow up then that’s the end (without letting them know I had a great opportunity for them)–I don’t want to work with someone who isn’t decent enough as a human being.

And yet sometimes there are much worse situations. Even worse than those who don’t return simple gestures are the ones who say they’ll do work and then don’t deliver. No, it’s not that they’re late, but that the problem never gets solved or they disappear (regardless of if they’re getting paid). It’s beyond my imagination how someone could accept a paid responsibility and, while under favorable terms and circumstances, simply fail to deliver.

In the middle of this entry a friend called and we talked about whether this is about commitment or about general integrity. About how people don’t do things for the right reasons and fail to follow through on societal norms. I do have issues with people who are not generally the ones I could rely on…but what’s much worse is when circumstances are clearcut–it’s not a norm, and it’s something that someone actually said they’d do.

I think we live in a world where our connections tend to be shallower. Where we meet so many people that failing with a few is acceptable. In the past, there was pressure to follow through because communities were smaller and most of our ties were to the same people for longer periods of time. It’s unfortunate–because it just makes it easier to get away with breaking commitments and having less integrity.