The Psychology of Waiting

I have a not-exactly revolutionary approach to controversial thoughts: I wait on them. Well, at least when I remember to wait. But I’m kind of curious about whether waiting, which often dumbs down our responses, is the healthiest approach…or whether it’s appropriate to let people see that un-watered down version of you. Let me explain…

Here are some things I’ll wait on before pressing Send, tossing it in the mailbox, or picking up the phone: (okay these aren’t written for the phone, but one should still wait before picking up the phone…considering these cautions)

  1. How excited was I when I wrote this? What mood was I in? If I was incredibly enthusiastic/angry about it today but haven’t been before…is the tone really indicative of my beliefs? Will my audience understand that this may just be a mental fad?
  2. Is there anything rude or accusatory? We all get pissed off at people, but magically we’re less angered the next day. Do I still want to send this message after a night’s rest?
  3. Am I just being funny? My one-line emails that I find hilarious in the 15 seconds it takes to write them are usually not funny even 15 minutes later…
  4. Is this different than the type of thing I normally send out? Maybe there’s a reason I don’t usually send things like this.
  5. Am I writing to someone I don’t correspond with often who I think is important? Edit all you want today, but you’ll see different things to improve upon tomorrow. I’ll admit, this is a different reason than the others for waiting…
  6. Am I sending to more than 5 people? Do I really want to send this message to so many people? Is this something I’d be comfortable posting on my website (often things I’d like to send to a bunch of friends are things I wouldn’t post on my website…which in turn makes me reconsider mailing it at all)

I could go on. The gist is that anything outside of the ordinary email or web post is something I should reconsider. But why? Because the next day I almost always regret having sent it out. Maybe it was an email forward or a sarcastic remark…but whatever it was, the next day I just think “why did I send that?”

So there’s no doubting that I feel this way…and that there are times we need to censor ourselves…but I wonder about the opposite: but what if we need to show that side sometimes? What if it’s only natural to be completely random and seemingly out of context, to make mistakes, to attempt sarcasm even when it doesn’t work?

Unlike live conversations, email, letters, and web site postings can be edited before they’re distributed. We have the opportunity to only present the side of ourselves we want to share. It’s a privilege we need to be careful with…but is it one that benefits from a little impatience as well? Patience allows one to refine a message but also to water it down. And we don’t always have the time or patience for another revision. Obviously I’m being wishy-washy…I welcome your thoughts.

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Published:
3.23.06 / 7am
Category:
Reflections
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