When People Become Real

In any sort of relationship (friendship, work, romantic) it seems that there’s a point where people become more real: multi-dimensional, fallible, human. When we were younger it seemed like all of our friends knew everything about us. As time went on, fewer of our sides were as quickly disclosed–both out of convenience and choice. Still, when new people enter our lives there seems to be some time when they become more real…and then we either get closer or resist. After all, we’re not interested in everyone’s “problems”…nor do we wish to entrust them with ours.

You can’t always pinpoint moments in relationships where transitions occurred, but we can often follow the way a relationship progressed. When they realized “you aren’t always happy” or that “you screw up at work” sometimes or that “you have a thing for guys in the military”…whatever. It’s not that everything’s different, but things become more complicated. And you have to repaint their picture:

“It is not ignorance which damages the clarity of our portraits, but the accumulation of knowledge.”

~Alain de Botton

As we build a person into someone more complex, can they still take on the same roles? Do they want to? Do we want to see them that way? I could go on and on with this explanation but I think you get the gist…

It’s interesting to me how many friends in the last six months have gone from barely acquaintances to much more regular friends. Some of them I’ve let in, some of them let me in. But it’s always curious what happens as parts of the facade dissolve.

Tonight I just didn’t feel like being happy. And though my friend was so into cheering me up I wonder if that will bring us closer or pull us away. I can say the same thing of an email I wrote to another friend earlier this week. As the thrill of the house fades and work and other areas take hold I’m just not excit-ed/-ing all the time. We’ll see who sticks around…