A Favorite Shirt or a Good Joke?

Pause.

I really don’t know the next step; I mean, I can tell it to you and speak it with confidence…but I really don’t know it inside. It’s so weird how much and how little can happen in one year…is it exactly what I wanted?

For a while I felt like I had the best of both worlds–living the young life while building a grown-up career. I felt like I was ahead in so many ways. But the problem with that thought is its latent comparison. Who am I supposed to be ahead of?

I’m really impressed with my peers and new people I run into. Everyone seems to be living these multiple lives and carrying out a big part of their dreams–it’s wonderful to see. Jack just released an excellent CD while keeping a good day job. Bobby is playing for an MLS team and doing the singer-songwriter thing. Jarrett is out on his own. Kim is learning in her own way as she continues to travel Africa. Jaimie’s a psychiatrist. Andrew and Justin are living the great life with school, girl, and good jobs awaiting. My friends are awesome people. But comparison is a dangerous thing.

Running a business is still work. The ideas excite me, the passion’s still there, but it’s not an end-all-be-all. I can’t be monomaniacal, I can’t be myopic, I need to look ahead and see a diversity, a real life. I’m missing things right now, and the good things–while quite good–don’t seem to glimmer in the same ways.

I wonder if my life is like a favorite shirt or a good joke–where it loses meaning over time but when it’s newly shared the outfit or the punch-line still has the same pizzazz. I know that I’m doing interesting things and I have a lot to offer…but it’s starting to become old hat.

Looking back upon this year I see I did many of the things I wanted. I read a ton of literature. I developed some new, lasting friendships. I grew my business significantly. I learned a lot about me, and made strides in just about every area…

Is it the obvious that’s missing? Or is it that I’m not sure of the future of my business, law school, and the so many directions my career could take me? Kristi mentioned today that it’s good to keep your options open. Well, sure it is…but I like having more things settled.

Tonight was an interesting evening, seeing how much Kim has changed in the last year, and how much she stays the same. I can’t help but to juxtapose, given the obvious. I wonder if I’m consistent in the same ways…and what news things I’ve taken on. I don’t know…

I will just say that I can still be objective and recognize how nice the shirt and joke are. I just need to remember it a little more sometimes…