Zora Neale: I’m stuck

There is nothing to make you like other human beings so much as doing things for them. 

~Zora Neale Hurston

I remember who gave me this quote, and how much it meant to me. It wasn’t the quote I was searching for to place in my away message. No, this was the one that set my mind back on track. I was about to paste this:

The mind is it’s own place, and in itself
can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven. 

~John Milton

I still agree with both of these quotes. But I also know that there’s a better reason to describe why I’m stressed right now, and it has to do with a not-so-bad trait in my personality, one that Hurston captures in her quote. And it’s such a significant quote, in the way that it’s so carefully worded.

On first glance, one usually gets the idea that it’s nice to make others happy. On the second look, one notices that making people happy can actually make people likable. And on the third read one might see that she says that there is no other thing that can make another so likable as being able to do for him/her.

I agree fully with this quote, and those of you who know me well may see that in me.

I mention all this as my mind spins in circles of responsibility and possibility. This time last year I was happy to have been making progress in my new interests. But right now I’m laying new foundations. Next year is very much up in the air, in terms of where my jobs, my hobbies, and my relationships will take me. The next three weeks will decide a great deal. And I’m scared.

I want to make things better; I want to succeed. I know how to do that with my thesis (I think). I have a good idea about my work. But I don’t know how to do that with everyone. I want to make her happy, but that’s not about me right now. It’s about decisions that only partially involve me. And that’s hard.

I guess the trick is really accepting that this isn’t my concern. And that I do want the best, for her and for us. But I don’t know what that is or how to offer it. Only time can answer that…