No Answers, Many Dates

If you came to me looking for answers then you’re in the wrong place. I don’t know what to tell you, nor do I know where I’ll be in just a few months. There’s no time for me to look at your hand when I haven’t slighest idea how to play out mine.

Every once in a while we get new cards, and I have a few of those. But it’s not those that scare me. It’s the wild cards that I’ve had all along… the ones that’ll mean different things depending on what else I take in. And if I screw up the wild cards, then I may as well fold and hold onto the cash I have.

Too bad I like to gamble. In April I have a thesis to present. In May I graduate. In June it’ll be one year with Kim. In July I need to be making money. And in August I hope to still have my sanity. Those are the things that I’m counting on right now, amidst the responsibilities that I have every day. C’mon, Jared, don’t fuck this up.

I don’t have any answers. I’m scared about a lot of things. You see, I’ve made some ground in all of the above areas. I have faith in my thesis. Kim and I are going on strong. And, in theory, my job idea will work out. But there’s so much in between then and now. I don’t want to lose any of those things. I really don’t.

So maybe this could be an entry about prioritizing or keeping your head on straight. Or perhaps it’s just about gambling. Ever wondered what it’s like to feel like the next six months will determine the rest of your life? I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do.

I just wish I had more answers.