Big Things, not little ones

I wish I had expensive taste, and nothing else. Tossing money and drinking fine wines doesn’t cost that much of a person…but doesn’t have that much of an impact. For me, pleasure is never simple. Immediate gratification is fleeting: today it’s here, tomorrow it’s gone.

I need big things that take time, thought, and energy. I’m not trying to make myself sound noble; quite to the contrary, I give myself far too much credit. But perhaps I’m not organized enough to pay all the dues for my credit. So instead there are those times, like right now, when the interest piles up and it feels like sink-or-swim is the only option. I’m just struggling to catch my breath to make it out of the sea of minimum payments.

Am I really angry that I take on a lot? No. But I hate it sometimes, when I have a few hundred emails, all of which I’m responsible for, many of which stem from different activities. It’s just a pain. And I hate that so much of it revolves around this nasty machine. The internet opens up all sorts of possibilities…to mix pleasure with work and take over your life.

Here I am escaping from it all, to update my website. I want to read a book. But I’ve got to do another website, and another after that, and I have to read my thesis drafts that are stored here, and respond to ballroom at maryland email — telling them how they should do this and that, when all I do these days (erg, just remembered something, gotta leave another voicemail…don’t you love it how there’s no longer just a beep: When you’re finished recording you may hang up or press 1 for more options… or, press zero to reach an operator for more assistance I JUST WANT TO LEAVE A MESSAGE) is manage, without time to participate in the ballroom activities… GRR. This is supposed to be my vacation.

But nope, I need to finish this one song on guitar. And I need to write an article or two for the diamondback. I need to get at least my personal goals out of the way, right? I just wish it would all go away. *sniffle*