The Setting of Conversations From Afar

Have you ever been unable to express your exact feelings and mood? That sounds like a stupid question, but I want to bring up a reason for misunderstanding that we often overlook: setting.

By that I mean that the two or more people trying to communicate are physically (and consequently psychologically) in different contexts. Let me give an example: your friend is crying on the telephone while you’re walking around cooking dinner. Here it’s much more difficult to enter their state of mind than if you were sitting in a chair, giving them your complete attention.

But it’s not just about attention. All the factors that affect us when we’re in someone’s physical presence reach us when we’re communicating through other media. Lights on or off, walking or lying, visual distractions or nothing around, inside or outside, at work or at home… all these settings have strong influences on the way we express ourselves and interpret others online, on the phone, and in writing.

And it’s only gotten trickier in recent years. Cellphones, portable phones, instant messengers, and email services have given us more flexibility in communication. Unfortunately, they open up many opportunities for vastly different settings between the transmission and receipt of information.

Then again, it’s important to recognize that new generations are getting more and more comfortable with the ever-developing media of expression. While my grandparents are uneasy using an instant messenger to communicate, many college students prefer it over the telephone. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that preference or familiarity eliminate the communication gaps that accompany these tools. Instead, pay attention to your setting and disposition alongside those with whom you talk regularly.

It’s not an easy thing to consider, but it can make a world of difference in the relationships that technology allows us to maintain. And those people are definitely worth the challenge : ).