A Guide to Breakups

Okay, so I’m getting a little crazier every day with the content I’m putting up on this site. But of all the pages, this is probably the most practical for those to whom it applies. This page was started in anticipation of a very emotionally draining (on my part at least) break up and I figured it might help to share some of the things I’m going to try to help me get through this with the rest of the world. And now, a few weeks later, life is great as ever. So, who am I to offer advice or be a role model? Just an annoying kid that’s still worth your time. So stay for the ride and come learn why you should feel good after the “loss.”

First of all, something very important to every relationship is that you get to be yourself and that you shouldn’t have to change. You’re supposed to grow, but not into a different person. So now you may be on your own, but at least you didn’t settle for something that wasn’t meant to be. Here are some things to consider about change and settling:

  • Trying to change somebody often builts resentment.
  • You may have been harboring that resentment. It’s not your fault that you’re a different person, because all you are is yourself. And that’s not a bad thing.
  • The person you want to spend the rest of your life with should be right early on, not the product of your efforts or vice versa.
  • Trying to fix things over and over to the point where the pleasure no longer exceeds the pain makes life very difficult.

The most important thing in every relationship is communication. If two share everything in common but are constantly hurting each other’s feelings then they have nothing. In the beginning it may be difficult to open up to a significant other, but at a certain point it often becomes too difficult to force ideas from someone or have ideas forced from you. Some thoughts on communication:

  • While some relationships thrive on fighting, most work best when you can talk without getting angry.
  • If you had to think twice before every action for fear of hurting the other person’s feelings then you didn’t have enough trust in one another.

One conclusion that I’ve drawn in the last few weeks is that it’s not completely true to say relationships take work. Relationships take time. I’m not just talking about months or years getting to know one another, I’m talking about feeling each other’s presence even when you’re apart. If you didn’t have enough time to spend/feel together while you were a couple, then it’s highly unlikely that things would change. It doesn’t matter how busy someone is, they can make their presence felt or unfelt. I don’t want to waste my time with examples; it’s not so difficult to make yourself a part of someone’s life once you’re already their significant other.

You also shouldn’t worry about the little things that seem like they went wrong. So what if you didn’t leave the toilet seat down or if you forgot your three-month anniversary? Those are details. Don’t get depressed over little things that could’ve changed; chances are you broke up because of the big things that wouldn’t have changed: the things that make you yourself.

Maybe I’ll add some more later, but for now here are a few things to consider:

  • Being able to please or be pleased physically may be a nice detail, but it’s not a basis for a relationship.
  • Just because you “lost” all that time doesn’t mean that you didn’t learn so much more about what makes you happy. The sooner a bad relationship ends, the longer one has to make the right choice the next time around. And there *will* be a next time.

Now I don’t know that any of this has helped. But instead of thinking too much more about a lost love, go forward and make yourself a better person. If you were held back from something while you were with that someone, go out and do it. Or if there’s something you’d been wanting to do for a long time but hadn’t had the time, now’s your chance. Being single ain’t so bad, now you’re just giving more attention to the most important person in your life: yourself. Have a nice day!

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