Actions Speak Loudly

She made me think about this but didn’t value how difficult it was to say. Fortunately enough she took the content and, intentionally or not, illustrated it back quite nicely.

Actions speak louder than words–both your actions and those of others. While it is certainly possible to force yourself to behave in a particular manner, it is much easier to simply speak. Tell someone how much you hate them, but keep coming back to them everyday. Pledge to do an activity but find yourself deeply immersed in another. Tell someone you love them but don’t do anything to show it. The action prevails.

I know that I wrote about this before, but now I want to stress a certain context: your own actions. While it may be easy to see when others’ words and actions aren’t congruent, it’s slightly trickier to make sense of your own inconsitencies. For me, this is becoming a little clearer everyday.

I could debate a point to no end and find merit in many different sides. I fear that sometimes I take a stance just because it is the most recent one I’ve considered. And other times I’ll fight for something that seems to be what I should believe, regardless of whether or not I feel that way. While logic may play the dominant role in my speech, it can be manipulated to fit many purposes.

Actions aren’t so flexible. While I’m spending time contemplating, my body has already made a decision. No, the action may not be the right one; it may not represent what I’d like to believe of myself. And this one act may only tell a partial story; it’s consistency in action that really gets at who I am.

So while I keep debating point over point in my head, I see a story told through my actions. Sometimes I notice myself doing things I neither expect nor completely control. Some people I may write to every day, others’ emails will accumulate in my inbox. I’ll buy gifts for some people _just because_ whereas with others I’ll split the bill. Some I’ll try to make jealous or avoid all night, but then there are those I can’t keep my eyes off. And there’s so much more. In the long run my behavior is who I am, whether or not I’m conscious of it. And if I don’t like it, then I need to change that, and not just apologize with words.

Last night I told this story, and the evening was an example. I waited for a long time and I don’t regret that. It was more than a spoken apology. And with her words she accepted me. But the way she ended it, with a cold, hugless goodbye… that conveyed so much more. Actions spoke louder than words, once again.